In an ideal world, Dave's last-ever Retro Bar pop quiz before he jets off to Australia would go something like this:

Wendy would reserve a table for us and bedeck it with streamers and balloons, and generally make us feel special.

We would buy a disposable camera and take loads of silly pics.

The quiz would be challenging yet entertaining.

We would have loads of fun and get very drunk.

We would tie for first place.

We would send Dave up for the tie-break question.

He would get it right.

We would win 120 quid.

Welcome to an ideal world.